Baby Quest

The past two weeks have been amazing with Sean, I’m finally feeling like he’s really mine and that he’s meant to be here with us.  I’m not sure why it took me so long to figure that out….. but it did.  I think part of my issues have to do with the fact that we’ve waited so long and had so many failures on our journey to parenthood.  And a very large part of my heart is still grieving over our loss in March…with the due date approaching quickly it’s no wonder that I’ve been emotionally struggling.  I’ve been on emotional overload…and there are days that I just feel like my circuits are fried.

Anyway back to Sean….now that I’ve figured out how to cope emotionally and not let my negative emotions affect how much I love and want my son…things are going so much better.  He’s awake for longer periods of time and is starting to get some sort of a schedule going…. he eats 5-6 ounces at a time now….and has been sleeping in 5-6 hour time periods. Except, the night before last he slept 7…..and last night he slept a whopping 8.5 hour block of time…so he slept thru one night completely!! I know based on his age this probably won’t continue…but here’s hoping.  We’ve kind of figured out a night routine that’s working for all of us…. Mike stays up and puts the little guy to bed (while I go to bed to get a head start on sleeping)…and I get up to do the middle of the night feeding/changing… seems to be working out much better than me attempting to do the day and night shift.  I was just exhausted, stressed, and run down…which is how I ended up getting sick according to our doctor.

I’m looking forward to my quarter break and having some time with the little guy to do whatever we want to… if I get a decent weather day where it isn’t overly hot I may attempt taking him to the zoo for the first time. Maybe hang out with Melissa and Gabey some, bug Mike at lunch….and that’s about all that’s potentially in the works right at the moment.  I know we still need to schedule Sean’s two month appointment for his checkup and shots…not really looking forward to those.  Meanwhile I have this week of regular classes and then my finals will be on Saturday, Tuesday and Wednesday of the following week…. so gotta keep cramming and wrapping up the quarter projects we have to do.

Oh and we finally figured out a way for me to still get some stuff done on days where he’s really clingy… he absolutely hated the Moby wrap….however, he does seem to like the Baby Bjorn carrier that our friend gave to us.  So he still gets to be clingy and I still have my hands to do some stuff….there are things that I can’t really do while he’s in there….but getting some stuff done is better than no stuff.

He will be 8 weeks old tomorrow and I can’t believe that.

We’re still on the fence about throwing a party for him…part of me feels pretty strange having to do it ourselves…if we do one…we’re still trying to decide.

I’ve been asked by a couple of people if we are still going to do a baby shower/meet the baby party…. sadly my answer to this is that we are not.  Due to lack of support, family drama, and not having enough friends to necessitate throwing our own party…. sadly we’re going to do nothing to celebrate the beginning of Sean’s life.

I’ve also been asked if we are still trying to have a child naturally…  we’re torn on this.  Mike no longer wants to try to have another baby…I however do still want to try to have another.  Emotionally I’m still saddened that my body has done all that it has and that my health has resulted in my not giving birth to a child.  I was not ready to let go of the idea of being pregnant and being able to give birth…. I didn’t have enough time to deal with the emotions of having a baby without doing either of the before mentioned activities.  I still have a lot of heartache to deal with before I can move on.  In the meantime…. part of me struggles with being around pregnant people.  And I know to anyone who hasn’t been in my shoes that is going to sound absolutely selfish….but it isn’t.

Now I love Sean more than I can ever explain… because I didn’t give birth to him I’ve really, really struggled with bonding…and it kills me to have to admit this.  However, since the few readers I have will probably think I’ve already lost whatever sanity I had left….I figured that I may as well put the rest of that out there.   Because of how secretive the situation with Sean has been kept….I can’t really ask people for help because they don’t know.  If anyone has any advice on this I would very much appreciate it.

So that’s the update on ttc, baby party, and possibly the implication that I’ve finally cracked up. Oh yes and I’m also really struggling with school this quarter….I’ve got three classes and minimal time/energy to complete the work.  I’m just a big ball of sunshine today…aren’t I??

Still working on getting the pics in order to post.

**This post was written on August 5th however…in my semi sleep deprived state I saved the draft but didn’t publish it… **

I’m amazed at how fast the first month has gone by…I can’t  believe we have a one month old baby.  Adjusting has been harder than either of us would’ve imagined but we wouldn’t change a thing….okay so I would change how quickly I had to return to school… a week wasn’t nearly enough time.

Sean’s last documented weight/length was at 3weeks and 1 day….at that point he was 9 lbs 6 oz and 20.5″!!  He eats well enough to blend in with the rest of the family….    Depending on his mood he will eat 4-5 oz about every 4 hours or so… it seems like a lot for someone so small but his doctor isn’t worried…he just has a really good appetite.

Clothing wise Sean has officially outgrown all of his newborn clothes now, as well as newborn diapers…his chunky little thighs made that decision for him.  So, he’s in a size 1 diaper and all 0-3 month or “small” clothing.  Poor baby has sensitive skin and the regular Johnson’s dries him out big time but, he can use the bedtime bath from them just fine….  so when we do baths at night he uses the bedtime bath and lotion which smell so yummy, and for daytime baths we use the Aveeno baby wash…works good but doesn’t smell nearly as yummy as the lavender goodness.

Bottle wise the Playtex Ventaire Advanced bottles are still working out very well, they keep a lot of the air out of his tummy and don’t leak…which is a definite bonus.  He’s still on Similac Sensitive formula because he also has a sensitive tummy…and we’ve discovered that Mylicon drops are one of the greatest things ever.

His favorite “play” items so far still seem to be his Aquarium Cradle Swing, Aquarium Playmat, Soothe n Glow Seahorse, Woozit, and 2 developmental rattles that are by Bright Starts…I think???  Anyway they’re colorful and noisy and Sean likes them…that’s all that really matters.

Sean has definitely discovered the cats… he did that early in his 3rd week.  He likes to stare at them… and has started smiling at them…so I think he likes them   Or he’s plotting how to torture them later…only time will tell on that one.

He’s going through spurts of crying unless I’m holding him…and on days when I’m home alone and have a boat load of school work to do…that’s rough.  We did buy a Moby wrap and I thought for sure he’d love it….so far…no.  I’m not 100% sure that I have  it tight enough that he feels secure.  I’m hoping he grows to love it or we wasted $40.

We did get some new pictures of Sean however….I’ve been down and out for a few days with a severe viral ear infection accompanied with crazy dizzy spells… the meds they gave me are wonderful however, they make me sleep.  Mike’s been helping with the baby more so he hasn’t had a chance to crop/edit the photos of our little one yet.   I did however finally decide on the picture for his birth announcements so we need to order those, and we decided which picture package we wanted from his hospital pictures and again….have to order those.

Will get pictures up as soon as we can.

Sorry that I’m a little slow in making the announcement here…have been just a little busy (a little being a big understatement).

Sean Daneel arrived on July 5, 2010 @ 8:17 p.m., weighing in at 7 pounds 11 ounces and was 19.5″ long.  He has a head full of dark hair, beautiful complexion, perfect pouty little lips, a deep stare and eyelashes that are absolutely to die for!!  He was the talk of all the nurses and techs at the hospital…they were sad when he left.

We got to bring the little guy home on July 7th in the afternoon so he was roughly 36 hours old then. Our first couple of days home were flooded with visitors and now…not so much.   We had a rough few day/night combos that were the result of Sean absolutely hating the bottles we got him and having some issues processing regular Similac formula.  He was fussy, gassy, and had some really runny bm’s.  So we got him a new couple bottles to try, switched him to Similac Sensitive, and discovered the wonder of Mylicon drops…and we now have a whole new child.

The hospital told us to only feed him an ounce every 3-4 hours and we quickly found out that this was not enough to feed our hungry little guy.  So, we increased the ounces and have started feeding on demand opposed to a schedule.  Currently he’s eating anywhere between 2.5-4 ounces at a feeding, 3 seems to be about the magic number unless he’s slept a long stint of time.  Speaking of sleep once we got him all figured out and eating until he’s full…..  we’re normally getting sleep in about 4 hour increments….which is much better than the constant fussing and no sleep that we had for a couple of nights.  The one night I wasn’t feeling good and hadn’t slept but maybe 3 hours in two days….that my mother in law came over and helped Mike with him at night so I could sleep. Sleep is a beautiful thing.

Other than the tummy issues Sean really doesn’t fuss much…unless he’s going poo…he is not a fan.  He was upset by diaper changes for a few days but I’m pretty sure he was still sore from the circumcision and how much he was doing the aforementioned pooing on the first formula.  He’s doing much, much better with diaper changes now. 

For the most part he’s a sweet and pretty mellow little guy…he seems to like people and loves being cuddled.  He also absolutely adores his aquarium swing…he’s happy napping and hanging out in there while I attempt to get some things done.  He does good in the car seat and on car rides generally he falls asleep.

We just love the little guy so much and at this point we’d both have to say that he was worth everything we had to go through to get him.  Well little man says it’s bedtime so off we go to dreamland….I’ll try to update some more with pictures soon.

Good appointment….very good progress with dilation and effacement so good in fact that we have an induction date…. July 8th!!

However, progress was so good that doc thinks there is a chance Sean may arrive on his own before then…so for now it’s still a wait and see.  It is very nice to at least know he’ll be here by this date….and we can’t wait!!

I will try to update this with at least his stats and a picture as soon as we can.     If you would like a text message update please e-mail me your cell number so I can add it into my contact info….

Sean will be at 38 weeks gestation tomorrow….I can’t believe it!!  From the way the doctor made it sound they were expecting him to be here by now but I’m glad that we were able to get the health issues a little more controlled and keep him baking a little longer.   However…. I’m officially impatient!!  I was selfishly hoping that maybe he’d come over this last weekend so I could have over a week with him to bond and adjust before returning to school.  But, I know the longer he stays in the better.  Luckily I have a group of very supportive instructors and my advisor….they’re going to work with me on any clinical hours that I may have to miss.  Secretly (or not so much now) I’m hoping that he’ll make his debut this week….but I know that may not happen.

Our arms have been aching for a baby so long that I just can’t believe we’re about to have a baby….a son.  We’re trying to enjoy our last days as a duo instead of a trio…. we went to the movies and wandered around the mall and toy store last weekend.  If Sean hasn’t arrived by Saturday I think we’re going over to Columbus to some sort of gaming convention (oh the things I do for my husband….)

Mike has been really busy at work and has more freelance work coming soon which will be very helpful since the whole baby obtaining process has cost more than the original estimate and well for some strange reason babies seem to need things like formula, diapers, and clothing.  Financially until I get done with school in March things will be a lot snugger than we were used to but, it’s worth it to both of us for me to be able to stay at home with Sean as well as finish out my degree with a high GPA.  Speaking of GPA’s….. I made the Dean’s List again for Spring Quarter

While I’m waiting I’ve organized and cleaned the whole house, stocked up on groceries and household supplies so when the time comes for baby to make his debut we don’t have to do any major shopping trips right away.  Possibly small ones for produce, milk, bread and the above mentioned baby formula….  but that’s a job that Mike can handle I’m sure.  Big grocery trips not so much….we’d be living on frozen pizza, cereal, pudding, chips, and bologna sandwiches…. not really a healthy diet.

Our cats seem to be adjusting to the changes within the house fairly well….  when we bring in or set up something for Sean they will sniff at it and check it out…then they leave it alone.  But both of our girls do respond well to sternly toned voices and they definitely know the word “no”.  I think not being allowed in the nursery was the hardest adjustment for them because it was previously my office/craft area….and that’s where the girls and I spent a lot of time….me at my desk and them lounging about in the sun coming in through the mini-blinds.

Well…I think I’ve done enough rambling for the night and am going to bug my hubby before bed.  Our next appointment is on Friday….I will try to remember to update then

Sorry I didn’t get this up yesterday it was a crazy busy day….

The appointments went well: sugar is decent, blood pressure within normal limits, some minor swelling still.  Ultrasound was also very good….he’s measuring a little big but not much and currently weighs 5 lbs 15 oz.  We got to see that he has hair, has grown quite a bit, got a wonderful profile picture (without hands in mouth this time), and that he is definitely 115% without a doubt a boy.  He made absolutely no attempts to hide that yesterday….   The ultrasound tech said she’d bet money that he’s going to be absolutely adorable!!     After the ultrasound we had the NST…took 20 minutes to do because he chose to be cooperative.  At the normal appointment they went ahead and did the GBS swab and checked… 1 cm and 70% effaced.  At this point we’re just going to keep a close eye out for at least the next week and see what happens.

We got his swing put up the other day….it’s awesome and I would seriously think of buying myself one if they came in adult sized models.  We received this one as a gift from Mike’s mom and stepdad:

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3799972

Oh and while I’m thinking about it….someone asked me which stroller and carseat we have…  we have the Graco Utopia Metrolite Travel system.  It has the Metrolite stroller and a Snugride 32 infant car seat…. the pattern wasn’t our first choice however, it was the same model travel system we wanted but since the pattern was being discontinued at Babies R’ Us we got a really,really good deal on it.  We weren’t 100% sure on the pattern until we put it together and had it around the house…. it’s definitely grown on us.  Originally we wanted the Rittenhouse pattern but that set was $330…. and because of my mad bargain hunting skills and the coupons I’d gotten while buying a baby shower gift….we got the Utopia system for less than half of  what the Rittenhouse pattern cost….. so even if we didn’t like the fabric…we’d deal with it.    Since no one sells it anymore (was a BRU exclusive), I did find a link to some info on it:

http://babies-kids.pricegrabber.com/baby-travel-systems/Graco-MetroLite-Travel-System-Utopia/m713094851.html

So things are going well still, we’re all ready whenever Sean (or the doctor) decides that it’s time for him to make his debut.   Meanwhile until June 10th I will be scarce….finals start Monday so I’ve gotta crunch and wrap up some projects.  I will be so glad to go on break…even if it is only for a couple weeks….

There were two appointments this week…. Tuesday was just a NonStress Test…it took about 20 minutes to complete because Sean was cooperative.  Today however…not so much…the little stinker kept moving from one side to another… he wouldn’t stay where they wanted him to.  Then, was refusing to move about…so they startled him with the buzzer thing…he was not a fan and his heart rate reached almost 190 at that point.  Normally it averages out to be in the 130’s. So due to his lack of cooperation the NST today took over an hour to get done.

Then we had a regular appointment….swelling still present in one leg/foot, blood pressure still higher than they’d like, and even though a medication has been started….blood sugars aren’t as stable as they need to be.  So…. next Friday we will be having an ultrasound to see how big he is and check him out, on top of the two NST’s and regular appointment that are scheduled for next week.  I have a sneaky idea that they will probably start talking about induction dates next Friday.  I’m really hoping to wait until after June 10th so I can get through finals.   For communications if I miss my final project presentation with my group and the exam itself…percentage wise I will be knocked down too low and will have to retake the class….. I really do not want to do this.

That’s all I know at this point….  will let everyone know next Friday how things go.  In the meantime I’ll be wrapping up coursework and preparing for final exams….I will be so glad when I’m done with statistics and group communication.

We had another appointment with the OB today…blood sugar has not been as controlled by diet as they’d like to see,  blood pressure was up but not as bad as last week, minimal swelling in one foot, and a 5 pound loss in one week.

So…for blood sugar a medication has been prescribed for one time per day, blood pressure we’re going to keep an eye on as well as the swelling.  Until delivery we will be going for two non-stress tests per week, and one weekly check-up.  So far the 24 hour urine and the other labs they drew all came back within normal limits….so that is good news.

At this point we’re just going to take it one visit at a time….but the doctor is thinking that Sean will probably be here in mid June sometime.  Will keep everyone updated as we have more information.

Today a small group of friends had a baby shower for me…it was a blast!!  They were all so generous with gifts for Sean…and I’m so extremely thankful for everything.  It wasn’t anything overly fancy, and only seven people showed up but it was still so nice….  we chatted, ate, chatted, played games, ate cake, and did presents.   I ended up winning one of the games which is awesome…I rarely win anything.

Now onto the loot….   we received at Kick and Crawl Aquarium (tummy time mat and tunnel for when he gets bigger), Aveeno baby wash and lotion, wipes, 1 small pack of size one diapers, 1 bigger package of size 1 diapers, a musical dinosaur toy, comb/brush set, some spoons and small bowls, an awesome sun hat, socks, the cutest pair of shoes…EVER, gloworm, a couple books, 1 newborn sleeper, 1 newborn outfit, 1 newborn onesie, 5 pack of carter’s 3-6 month onesies, and a travel package of baby wipes.

On top of that….we got lots of offers to babysit which will be nice once we’re ready to let Sean out of our sight for an afternoon or evening so we can have some “us” time.

I forgot to take the camera today so hopefully when my friend emails me some pictures I can at least get a couple pictures from the day up…. as well as the adorable cake.  My friend Beth made it…it had blue icing and rubber ducky’s on it….which will double as bath toys later